Experiencing Ageism

We hear these words over and over: Anti-aging, senior moment, geezer, little old lady, age-appropriate, old fogey. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

Make no mistake. These words mean: Uncool, unhip, unattractive, incompetent, in the way, slow. Unadaptable and unable to learn.

Ageism kicks in especially early for women. In her 30s, American actress Maggie Gyllenhaal was told she was too old to play the love interest of a 55-year-old man!

As we began to research creative aging, we really saw ageism for the first time. Its tentacles reach into every aspect of life in America. Once you recognize it, you find it everywhere.

You hear condescension (“Hello, dearie,” “What can I get you, young lady?,” “Hurry up, grandma.”).

A typical marketing survey asks:

What is your age?

☐ Under 18
☐ 18-24
☐ 25-34
☐ 35-44
☐ 45-54
☐ 54 and above

The first 50 years are broken into 5 subgroups; the second 50 years are lumped into one. The 55+ group has suddenly become undifferentiated and invisible.

We may not have recognized the impact of these dismissive, ageist words yet, but older adults feel it. In a survey of people ages 60 and older, nearly 80 percent said they had experienced ageism personally.

When you’ve heard these messages your entire life, they become self-fulfilling prophecies. “I lost my car keys – I’m afraid I’m losing my memory.” (I lost my car keys – and sometimes my car – in college, but I didn’t think it was because of my age.).

So naturally, people 55+ begin to live the invisible life, trying not to interject opinions or show up in places that cater primarily to younger people. They start to limit opportunities for growth, which in turn limits the experienced and rich contributions from which our communities could benefit.

Ageism is even a public health issue, says the World Health Organization: “Ageism is everywhere, yet it is the most socially “normalized” of any prejudice, and is not widely countered – like racism or sexism. These attitudes lead to the marginalisation of older people within our communities and have negative impacts on their health and well-being.”

Ageism is still socially acceptable. We’re bombarded with millions of dollars of advertising for “anti-aging” products. Think about it: can you imagine ads for  “anti-women” or “anti-black” products?

Is it possible to stop hating our future selves?

Thankfully, activists are naming this behavior and giving us the tools to push back against it. Our friend Ashton Applewhite, arguably the most prominent anti-ageism voice in America today, introduced us to the topic. Her TED talk, “Let’s End Ageism,” has been viewed more than 1.3 million times. Her book, This Chair Rocks: A Manifesto Against Ageism, has just been released to wide acclaim, and thousands of readers follow her blog, thischairrocks.com. With a sharp wit and a keen eye, Applewhite points out innumerable examples of ageism and its impact.

We can no longer afford to marginalize this growing population. Within the next decade, nearly 1 of 4 Americans will be over 65. Most will remain independent and cognitively fit well into their 80s and beyond. Many will live to be over 100. Why lose the intellectual and social capital of these people? It’s not just hurtful, it’s wasteful.

What can you do? Be alert to ageist comments and push back (politely, of course!). Comment on ads and storylines that are overtly ageist. Talk about the topic with family and friends. Write a letter to the editor. Most rewarding of all – dare to truly connect. You never know who you’ll find behind that wrinkled and spotted facade: Someone fascinating. Someone unique. Someone who might actually be cool.

If you’re already an older adult, push conventional wisdom out the door. Learn something brand new. Take improv or dance classes. Join a choir. Write your memoir. Ignite your creativity and drown out all those ageist words.